Divorce, Break Ups, and the Kids
When it comes to divorce and break ups, those can be very stressful situations to deal with. Add kids to the picture and you have a recipe for a potentially disastrous situation.
Many times when we deal with break ups and divorce we tend to forget about the kids. They are also affected by the situation as well. It is easy for us to forget about them because we are so busy trying to get our own life back together.
I have been divorced for about 5 years now. I can remember back when I first decided to sit my kids down and break the news to them that mommy and daddy were getting a divorce. That was one of the toughest things that I had to do in my life.
Now don’t get me wrong, I have done some tough things in my life. I served 5 years in the United States Marine Corps. The Marine Corps was tough, but not tougher than me telling my kids that me and their mom were getting a divorce.
I can still see the tears coming down their faces as I broke the news to them. They immediately asked why and were we still going to be a family. That hurt my heart so bad, I do not wish that pain on any parent.
So fast forward 2 years after the divorce, I was doing my co parenting thing and trying to be the best dad that I could be. I decided to see how the kids felt about the divorce since 2 years had went by.
To my surprise some of them had tears coming out their eyes when they spoke about it. Just a side note, whenever you are talking to someone and they become emotional or teary eyed, there may be some hurt there inside that has to be healed.
My kids still had hurt in their hearts 2 years after the divorce and it had to be addressed. I began talking to them about how they felt. I let them express to me everything that they were feeling, be it positive or negative.
So fast forward 5 years after the divorce, I decided to gauge my kids’ feelings on the topic and there were no more tears or no emotional responses. I believe that they are truly ok at this point.
Don’t get me wrong, a divorce is something that sticks with kids for a very long time. I believe that by me making a conscious effort of addressing their feelings about it, they were able to let their emotions out instead of keeping them bottled in.
So if you are thinking about getting divorced or breaking up with someone and there are kids involved, you definitely want to make sure that you keep them in mind.
Even if you have already gotten divorced or broken up with your mate, check on your kids and find out how they are doing emotionally with the situation. Even if they won’t open up to you, consider counseling or some form of therapy.
Divorce and break ups are hard enough for us adults, let’s do our best to make it less painful for our kids.